next, a well-known bridge

Ruth Gledhill gets very aerated about George Carey being banned from Bangor Cathedral, but she misses the real story, which I found on Google. The Dean, or someone, is actually selling the cathedral. Will those liberals stop at nothing?

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And why not?

Tidying my hard drive, I found a wormseye from earlier this month. So I will put it here, as well:

Worm’s Eye, Mon 2 Oct 06

In the house of an old doctor I found I book called “Patients as people” and settled down to read this alarming heresy. It had been published in 1957, and was a collection of fictionalised case histories, designed to show how diseases arose from the lives around them, and how mind and body were intimately interlinked: a sort of Oliver Sacks for GPs; but in some ways more informative because it was aimed at a readership of doctors. Implicit in every line, and sometimes quite explicit, was the knowledge that case histories almost always end in death.

“Let him go”, says the consultant, finding on his ward an alcoholic salesman, admitted with cirrhosis, at the end of his story; and there’s no doubt what is meant, especially when the landlord of the salesman’s pub pitches up in the same ward, on the same day, with another complication of alcoholism. He, too, is dispatched with the same phrase.

It is taken for granted that doctors tell the truth only among themselves: a patient with very high blood pressure is told, when he worries, that it is “normal for his age”. There were then no medicines that could treat it. Almost all the treatments that were available now seem barbarous: the alcoholic salesman gets antabuse and aversion therapy in the local asylum, but after a while relapses; the depressive editor of a provincial newspaper, my favourite character, is treated with a mixture of sleeping draughts at night and methedrine in the mornings to perk him up.

Sometimes the attitude to drugs is quite literally kill or cure: when the alcoholic is first given one drug, they follow it with a sip of whisky, to show off the aversive effects. It’s a dangerous drug, says the doctor. Sometimes patients die if they drink a whole glass. But that’s better than being an alcoholic. ECT, which the depressive is also subjected to, has almost no side-effects, except that sometimes the fits are so violent that elderly patients can fracture their spines or hips, however firmly they are held down. So nowadays, says the author, they are given a muscle relaxant as well.

That doctors can do little is taken for granted: the depressive has two episodes treated, but in the third, after he has retired, and his depression takes the form of hypochondria and fear of death, nothing more can be done with him. He has a stroke, and then, in hospital, pneumonia starts. No question of treating it with antibiotics.

Yet this brusqueness is not unsympathetic. The book was, in its day, progressive. It was written, I think, to humanise a generation of doctors who had come through the war. The doctor in whose house I found it had landed on one of the D Day beaches two hours after the first troops, and made two further trips across the channel to collect the wounded in the next 24 hours. Later, in Antwerp, he had just left a party in a girlfriend’s house when a V2 landed on it, killing her and everyone else in the apartment. But it was a story he told me from Indonesia that really brought home what war does to doctors.

In 1945, as soon as the Japanese retreated, a fresh war broke out in Indonesia, between nationalist rebels and the Dutch colonial powers, with the British army as guilty bystanders. It was vilely fought on both sides. The doctor was sent up into the hills to rescue “the half-castes” who would otherwise be killed when the Dutch left; his escort were freed Japanese PoWs, re-armed by the allies, who shot everything and everyone in their path. “They had a heavy machine gun, and if they came to a village, they would just fire it right through the grass huts. And if anyone was on there, they were dead.”

On one such expedition, they found an orphan child crawling with a congenitally dislocated hip. The doctor diagnosed her problem, realised he could not treat it, and told his orderlies to shoot her. He looked up at me at this point in the story; a kindly, frail old man with large brown eyes. His orderlies refused the order. “Very well”, he said. “On your own heads be it.” So the orderlies smuggled the child into one of their lorries, and took her back down to the coast, where eventually a dutch surgeon was found who could operate on her.

The doctor who ordered the little girl shot is dying now himself, of heart failure. For the last thirty or forty years, he has been a fervent evangelical Christian, but this autumn, I think, he’s wondering what he will soon find out. It’s always seemed to me an intellectual crime that a man of such gifts and courage should believe such silly things, but now I think I understand how, growing weary of playing god, you might want to believe in him instead.

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Scuttling rat watch

well, since it’s Boris, more scampering away than scuttling. Still, it is interesting to read that he should have known, within ten days of the invasion, that we were doomed. It’s not quite how he saw it at the time: “I don’t know how [Blair] will get out of the current impasse. But as I squint ahead, I dimly see, amid much tribulation, a victory, the end of Saddam, great Iraqi rejoicing and vindication. And will the Labour Party love him again, for having proved them silly and wrong?”

Or, six months into the occupation, when he wrote: “plenty of BBC producers probably opposed the war. If it had been up to them, Saddam Hussein would still be in power. The Iraqi people would not now be celebrating with exuberant and unmistakable joy the deaths of Uday and Qusay Hussein. Those two thugs would still be stubbing out their Cohibas on the skins of their victims, and still causing the population to cringe past their villas in fear of being shot.” A sentence best savoured in the knowledge that in Baghdad today you must cringe past your own house in fear of being shot, as well as past everybody else’s.

On second grubbings through the archives, I may have done Boris a slight injustice. He at least was prepared to score partisan points off Blair very early: from the Telegraph of April 8 2003 in parliament:

Boris Johnson, Conservative MP for Henley, asked Mr Hoon whether the conflict would be deemed illegal if the weapons of mass destruction were not discovered. Mr Hoon replied: “We will find them.”
Allied forces now had access to all parts of Basra and UK troops had been “warmly received by crowds of local people, demonstrating that the coalition is winning the confidence and support of the Iraqi population”, he added.
Earlier, at a briefing for journalists, Mr Hoon said that the British troops established in Basra would not be leaving. “They are now in Basra to stay,” he said.
He said that coalition forces would still have a job to flush out “irregulars, thugs and fanatics” who had attached themselves to the regime.

In fact, Johnson has been pretty thoroughly against the way since Abu Ghraib, when he started one article thus:

“Just remind me, I said, turning to a colleague and friend, what is the case for this war in Iraq? You voted for it. I voted for it. We both spoke in favour of it. We both saw the merits of sticking with the Americans. We both believed that it was a good idea to get rid of Saddam.
But is there not a time when we have to admit, in all intellectual honesty, that our positions have been overwhelmed by countervailing data? How on Earth can we now defend what seems – admittedly at some distance – to be a total bloody shambles?

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The price of a bishop

Last year, the energetic and saintly Roman Catholic bishop of Isiola diocese, in Northern Kenya, was bludgeoned and shot to death outside his compound after nearly forty years there. It was believed at first that he was a martyr to the cause of peace, and had been killed by representatives of some tribes disgruntled with his mediation efforts; but it later emerged that the killers had been hired by one of his own priests, who resented the introduction of stricter accounting controls on charitable funds from Europe which would make it less easy to feed his concubine and children.

The thing that caught my eye about this story was the price paid to the murderers: $150. A friend who knows Africa tells me that this is a gigantic fortune in those parts, and so perhaps it is. On the other hand, it is small beer to Western congregations, and if $150 is also the going rate for murdering Anglican bishops in Africa, there might be some interesting developments before the next Lambeth Conference. I like to think of the appeal as the collection is taken in Putney: “If we can raise £10,000 for our partner diocese, they can have a new school. But for only 150 dollars, they can have a new bishop …”

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Should Old Aquinas be forgot?

David Chalmers asks if anyone knows the words to the philosophers’ drinking song “Should Old Aquinas be forgot?”. This is the kind of thing at which Ecco excels. Within seconds I have extracted from its bowels eight lines:

Should old Aquinas be forgot
and never brought to mind?
Should old Aquinas be forgot
in these days of Wittgenstein?

Can quiddity, haececity,
analogies divine,
Resolve the paradoxes of
Willard van Orman Quine?

I thought this was taught me by the late, great, and sometimes sober Dominican Herbert McCabe, and that Terry Eagleton would sing it at his unBirthday parties in the garden of the Oxford Blackfriars. That is almost certainly where I first heard it. But my version is credited to Richard Aquila posting to “one of the philosophy mailing lists” some time in the Nineties.

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NYT, 503, Cookies

I have for some time been frustrated that I could not access stories in the New York Times from home. I could reach the front page, but every time I tried to read individual stories, I would get an HTTP 503 Error “No server is available to handle your request”. I had assumed this was some arcane paywall/blacklist thing to punish the English but stumbled on the answer through Usenet this morning: that error message is what the Times gives you when your browser is set to reject third-party cookies. Informative, huh! Why not just come out and tell the truth? “Your browser is configured to make it difficult for advertisers to spy on you. So we refuse to show you any of our content”? At least, that way, readers could make an informed choice.

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worm update

It looks to me as if the worm has merely moulted, as nematodes will: I will write weekly1 on the Guardian’s main comment site2 instead. I am still going to miss my weekly chats with Ros Taylor, though. There is nothing like talking to clever young women to make my brain work. That’s my story, and I am sticking to it.

1 or yet more incontinently

2 world domination at last!

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Worm turned to compost

I just learned that my Worm’s eye column has been shot with immediate effect. It’s a great shame. That was one of the two or three most enjoyable jobs I’ve had in journalism — another was the long Saturday Review profiles which went when the Guardian did its redesign last autumn.

Losing the money hurts, though I am still on a contract that keeps me solvent, and leaves time to make it up on other projects. But what really stings is the knowledge that I’m good at the writing part of the job. I’m thoughtful, quick, and well-informed about quite a lot of things. In many ways I am a better writer than when I was young and brilliant. But I am not good at marketing myself and not good at getting the stimulation I need to be interesting. All my best work has been done when I believed there was an editor taking an interest in what I was doing. Also, I am fifty one. Perhaps I should just cash in my savings, fly to Arizona, and eat myself to death. Another, possibly better, plan would be to get on with the Swedish book.

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A rather drastic cure for snoring

Round where I live,the cure, or at least the treatment, for Obstructive Sleep Apnoea is a mask that pumps air into the sufferer at night. At least some American surgeons are more ambitious

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An unspeakable thought

The notion of women as property is terribly widespread. What do women get out of it? Not a lot, obviously. But perhaps more from being private property than communal. Obviously a woman in a burqa is not valued for herself. But she is valued for something more than just sex. The common shore — the woman who is treated as property of a gang of men is even worse off than she who is treated as the property of one man and her children less likely to survive. So, if there were genes for male possessiveness, they would spread at the expense of (equally hypothetical) male lack of jealousy.

Of course, all this is wandering off into the question of “genes for” and back to my argument with Larry Moran. But I don’t mind talking about “Genes for” providing that we realise that the causality is all with the thing they are “for”.

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